Sunday, June 19, 2011
Atlanta man's Braves season tickets suspended pending review of team loyalties
Citing evidence of a fan's "conflicted loyalties", Atlanta Braves GM Frank Wren today issued an unprecedented season ticket suspension order.
"The Internet has revealed Brandt Ross' conflicted loyalties to the Braves franchise, which has led to this unfortunate suspension," Wren said in a prepared statement. "Not only has a blog revealed incontrovertible evidence that Ross has competing loyalties, but reliable sources indicate that he also has been a Phillies, Cubs, Yankees, Mets, Marlins and Diamondbacks fan, depending upon his current residence, time of day, current wind speed and score of the game."
Braves season ticket-holders are subject to a lengthy list of rules, according to sports attorney Fester Gadspittle.
"While atypical, this sort of thing isn't unheard of. What is unheard of is a baseball fan whose loyalties shift with the breeze and the latest winning streak. I've never heard of a fan with this many teams he claims as his favorite."
Ross was recently apprehended attempting to enter Turner Field wearing a disguise, but was turned back when an observant security official recognized his worn styrofoam tomahawk.
"The Internet has revealed Brandt Ross' conflicted loyalties to the Braves franchise, which has led to this unfortunate suspension," Wren said in a prepared statement. "Not only has a blog revealed incontrovertible evidence that Ross has competing loyalties, but reliable sources indicate that he also has been a Phillies, Cubs, Yankees, Mets, Marlins and Diamondbacks fan, depending upon his current residence, time of day, current wind speed and score of the game."
Braves season ticket-holders are subject to a lengthy list of rules, according to sports attorney Fester Gadspittle."While atypical, this sort of thing isn't unheard of. What is unheard of is a baseball fan whose loyalties shift with the breeze and the latest winning streak. I've never heard of a fan with this many teams he claims as his favorite."
Ross was recently apprehended attempting to enter Turner Field wearing a disguise, but was turned back when an observant security official recognized his worn styrofoam tomahawk.
Happy Father's Day, Papa -- We Love You, Amanda, Sophie, Amy and Doug
